The Healing Power Of Loving Relationships
How many times have you felt low, called a friend or family member and soon found yourself laughing, smiling and feeling so much better? Your health and the quality of your life are tied to the quality of your relationships (which may include your pets!) and your community of support. What is it that your relationships have that has the ability to enable healing to occur?
To answer this question, I share with you beliefs of one of my special mentors, Dr. Jeanne Achterberg, a psychologist and author known for her outstanding research dealing with imagery, healing, prayer, intention and her work with those who are diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses. In her newest work, her audiobook, Intentional Healing (available though Sounds True), which I highly recommend, she has described the five bonds of relationships which expedite healing. The essence of these bonds has been the heart of my work as a psychologist and a healer. They are the following:
The first of these bonds is the invisible energetic expression of Consciousness which includes distant healing, prayer, intentions and Mind. Einstein and his fellow physicists called these invisible ties “nonlocal mind” and emphasized their belief that we are all connected on some level. Thus, if I care for and pray for you – with the intention of healing, you will be impacted physiologically – and so will I! Loving intention establishes real ties between us. Scientific research has established this.
The second of these healing bonds is the power of Touch. Within relationships, you seek and need connection with one another through touch. Touch can be a big hug or kiss, a tap on the shoulder, cuddling, embracing, making love or petting your special pet, be it your dog, cat, horse or any other precious pet. Keep in mind that age does not slow or diminish the healing power of touch; indeed, it increases the need for touch. .
Why is touch so important? The healing power of touch is that it affirms you are a being with value and you are lovable. This is what you especially need to experience when you are diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and feel so isolated and apart from the world. If you are a caretaker, you, too, are in need of warm, compassionate and loving touch.
The third bond is that of Presence. Just your loving presence has the power to heal. You are pure energy and capable of feeling the energy of others. When you choose to be a loving presence, you are choosing to be unconditional Love, which conveys Truth and Love.
In Touched by the Extraordinary, you can read the story of physician Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who hired the hospital cleaning attendant to be her special assistant. Why? Because this beautiful soul, who had traveled the difficult path of tragically losing her own baby while waiting for doctors in an emergency room, brought, as a loving presence, peace to Kubler-Ross’s patients who were dying. Having been personally affected and changed by the loss of her baby, this woman had the gift of being able to sooth and comfort those who were close to death.
For years I have been advocating the fourth bond described by Achterberg as the bond of a “Soul to Soul” relationship. As you live your life, no matter who you are, your goal should be relating to others at the soul level, rather than in the formal traditional roles, such as doctor-patient, parent-child and teacher-student. The “soul to soul” level is one that affirms your awareness of -and connection with- the higher part of one another, that part which is connected to the Source of each of you. When you begin to be conscious of being connected to one another as souls, love in the form of compassion, kindness and caring, comes so much more naturally.
Finally, the last bond, Love, is one which greatly contributes to your well-being. The fact that you know you are loved by another and that this love is something which is forever, conveys an eternal sense of support. Recent scientific research studies have shown that when a relationship is perceived as loving and supportive, there is a definite correlation with improved health, including fewer heart attacks and deaths, relative to the rest of the population.
The bottom-line message here is that you expedite your own healing when you choose to live your life within the embrace of a loving, caring and compassionate community of family and friends.
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
The Healing Power Of Opening To The Extraordinary (Part Four)
“We forget that it isn’t important how they happen (spiritual experiences) as it is that they happen.” Melvin Morse, MD
“In order to be a realist, you must believe in miracles.” David Ben Gurion
When you choose to open the door to your heart and begin to allow in various extraordinary events, you open yourself up to a whole world of new and meaningful experiences, all of which have the capacity to take you to a deeper part of you, perhaps, even to the level of your soul. It is the beginning of you connecting with you, something that is so powerful that you know you are undergoing a transformation.
As you open to receiving a variety of messages and synchronicities, you will find yourself becoming conscious in a way you have never before experienced. Your consciousness will begin to allow you to experience even more moments of joy, inspiration and peace.
What follows is one of my favorite exercises which I use in seminars and with my patients to help nurture an awareness of the healing power of the extraordinary in one’s life. I borrow this from Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, who so beautifully describes it in The Will to Live and Other Mysteries (available on CD).
Take a few moments each evening and reflect on your day. First, take a few deep breaths, relax, and consider the question, What surprised me today? Then write about that for a few moments. Second, do the same thing with the question, What touched and/or moved me today? And third, again, do the same thing with the question, What inspired me today? I find these questions to be powerfully healing in that they connect you with a Higher Power and in this connection there is healing. The whole exercise should take no more than fifteen minutes. Do it for at least 10 to 14 days, and you will likely begin to notice a sense of feeling better, if not joy and peace.
A word of advice: if you are in need of working with a physician, be sure to align yourself with a physician who recognizes that to heal the body, you must heal the body and the soul. Trust your intuitive wisdom when you meet with your doctor. Your intuition or Higher Wisdom will let you know if this individual is one you should choose to allow into your life. If he or she listens when you speak of your intuition or what you sense is going on in your body, then you are probably with the right person.
As an example, I have had many patients share with me that during their treatment for their cancer, they began to have uncomfortable feelings regarding their physician. This led them to leave the doctor who was treating them and find another with whom to continue treatment. They believe that by being open to the extraordinary and listening to their inner voice, they have been able to experience success and healing in their lives. As always, the choice is yours as to how far you choose to open the door of your heart to the extraordinary.
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
The Healing Power Of Opening To The Extraordinary (Part Three)
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.” Albert Einstein
Much of what makes life so wonderful, so delicious and so meaningful is related or connected to that which we can’t see, touch or feel, sometimes called the mysterious or the extraordinary, as well as to events we call synchronicities. So often, what is considered by some to possibly be a coincidence is considered by others to be a “synchronicity.” Specifically, “synchronicity” refers to events which you might think are coincidences, but which, in your heart and your whole being, you know are too meaningful to have occurred simultaneously, by chance.
Touched by the Extraordinary, a book I wrote and published in 2004, delves into the nature of extraordinary events and demonstrates that when you fill with love and compassion and open your heart to such experiences, it can lead to transformation and healing in your life. Originally written to help heal my patients who were dealing with the loss of a loved one, I expanded the intention of the book to enable you to know that when you harness your intuition and fill with love, you are more apt to experience a wide variety of remarkable or extraordinary events, all of which have the power to help you heal.
The following paragraphs include the kinds of situations which are often considered “mysterious” or “extraordinary.” Many refer to these as “signs,” implying that the event is especially meaningful and personal. When these signs occur, especially after they are requested, they tend to expedite the healing process. In fact, many of my patients who are deeply grieving the death of a loved one, share with me that receiving “signs” from them helps to ease their pain, as well as giving them hope that their loved ones are still with them, though in a different way. They often find this to be extremely comforting.
Such powerful events may include the following experiences in your life: wonderful synchronicities such as your intuition and precognition informing you someone is going to be calling or entering your life within hours, which is exactly what takes place; dreams in which you feel you have engaged in meaningful visits or communication with deceased loved ones or had an intuitive knowing and description of events about to happen; times when you have prayed and then clearly experienced answers to your prayers, including stunning healings.
Other types of “extraordinary encounters” include: hearing a voice which provides a message that saves your life (because you choose to listen to it); feeling the presence of a loved one who has died or experiencing their presence via electric lights and devices being turned on, ringing or blinking, as well as by smelling their favorite flowers, cigarettes, cigars, perfume or coffee (if they were big coffee drinkers).
Additionally, many have shared with me “extraordinary events” which have included seeing (having visions of) or experiencing angels, Masters, and deceased loved ones; also, having near-death experiences; noticing the frequent or atypical appearance of animals, butterflies, dragonflies or birds (such as an eagle, owl or cardinal) which were especially meaningful to a loved one who has died. (TO BE CONTINUED)
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
The Healing Power Of Opening To The Extraordinary (Part Two)
“Through his or her intuition, the multisensory human comes to understand and to experience truth consciously.” Gary Zukav
You are blessed to live your life with the following four major inherent powers, natural resources or gifts: your Consciousness, sometimes called Mind; your intuition; your ability to use your imagination, and your breath. With these, you have the power to expedite your healing.
Mind is so much more than the physical matter we call your brain. Mind is that part of you which enables you to connect with everyone and everything anywhere in the Universe. This is as impressive as it sounds. I like to think that we are always tapping into a huge field of mind energy, reworking what we take, adding to it and returning it back into the Field, causing it to expand even more.
Your intuition is your own inherent resource that enables you to know everything you need to know. This can be considered a WOW factor! You were born with a Knowing that has nothing to do with the rational mind or with your studies. This Knowing, sometimes called your sixth sense, is stored in every cell of your body, including your brain, your memories and your dreams. It represents your connection with your Higher Wisdom or the Wisdom of your Soul, or God or whatever you choose to call your source. Such Knowing guides you to do what you need to do for balance and wholeness.. The key is whether you choose to acknowledge and listen to this powerful wisdom. If you do, there can be healing.
Your imagination is an enormous resource for you because it allows you to create and manifest your reality (which may seem quite extraordinary before it becomes your reality). This is how Walt Disney created Disneyland! He imagined it with great passion and enthusiasm, just as you do with your dreams, and this led to his dream being fulfilled. I teach patients how to harness their imagination, via the use of imagery, to creatively come up with images to destroy unwanted cancer cells and contribute to healing, as well as to improve their chemotherapy experience. You can do this, as well.
Finally, your breath is a wondrous gift; in that, when you learn the art of focusing on your breath, you can become the master of you! This occurs when you learn to pay attention to your in-breath and out-breath and the path it takes as it enters and flows through you. When you do this, you have the ability to create relaxation and calm within the workings of your entire being.
There are two huge healing benefits of learning to harness the extraordinary gift of your breath. First, you are producing needed chemicals which enhance the working of your immune system and which restore you to balance and harmony. And, second, you are raising your energetic vibrations so that you are more apt to receive needed wisdom from your Higher Self which can also guide you to healing.
All of this makes you quite extraordinary! Yet, these natural resources enable you to also easily access the “extraordinary” or remarkable aspects of life, and, in doing this, you also enhance your ability to heal. So, what are these “extraordinary” aspects which bring you closer to restoring your own inner harmony, balance and wholeness? (TO BE CONTINUED)
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
The Healing Power Of Opening To The Extraordinary
“The secret is to go with the mystery… When the situation does not make sense,, a larger overall message may appear if you let it unfold naturally.” Judith Orloff, MD
So many of us like to think that mind, body and spirit are separate entities; truthfully, as a psychologist who works with the ill and the dying, I now recognize that experiencing any kind of physical distress impacts you emotionally, mentally and spiritually. More than two decades of working with patients has shown me that mind, body and spirit are one. Furthermore, you can enable healing on all three levels by choosing to allow the extraordinary into your life.
Before going further, let us first define the word extraordinary. According to the Thorndike-Barnhart Dictionary (Random House), extraordinary is “beyond what is usual, regular or ordinary” and “exceptional to a high degree and remarkable.”
Next, we need to define heal and healing. According to the dictionary, heal is “to make whole, sound, or well; bring back to health; cure.” Healing is “that which heals or cures” as well as “getting well” and “the act of a person or thing that heals.”
Let’s put this together. You are extraordinary (meaning you are exceptional and remarkable); you were born extraordinary, though most of us tend to forget who we are, including the power with which we were born, and why we are here. Forgetting or disconnecting from your natural, inherent power leads to being off balance and feeling incomplete, not whole or well and in need of healing ( to be made whole and balanced).
By permitting yourself to be open to such remarkable and unusual experiences, you are connecting not only with your own wisdom, but with that of the Universe, and, in so doing, you are aligning with the powers of your own inherent intuitive knowing and your own Consciousness or Mind. This means that you can reclaim the power with which you were born, a power which may be forgotten but which is familiar to your whole being and which enables healing (ie .or the restoration of balance, harmony and wholeness) to occur.
For example, consider the following synchronicity: You are concerned about some health issue and intuitively feel there may be a health issue which you feel may need to be checked out. You then happen to be in a library or bookstore when a book falls off the shelf. As you pick it up, you notice that the page to which it opened is one which discusses the very matter about which you have concerns.
It behooves you at this point to consider the possibility of an alignment of your intuitive wisdom with the wisdom of your Higher Power or that of the Universe. This might then lead you to then considering the possibility that the extraordinary might help speed your healing– if you choose to listen to the message. On some level, you (i.e. the power of your thoughts and your intentions) contributed to that book falling from the shelf into your path.
Keep in mind that among your blessings is the fact that you live in an age in which you have scientific and technological advances providing you with powerful medicines and a variety of other kinds of healing aids or support. Yet, even with such strength coming from your physical world, it is your natural-born resources, historically used by shamans and healers, which enable true healing to occur; that is healing at your core and a healing which permeates every aspect of you, including your mind or consciousness, your physical body and your spirit or soul.(TO BE CONTINUED)
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
Lessons Learned From Grief And Trauma (Part 3)
8. The pain of a loss or trauma is locked into your cells. Healing requires that you balance your pain with thoughts of a lighter energy. Give yourself permission to focus on what makes you laugh, even if you do not feel like laughing! Balance your pain with time to watch a comedy or time to meet and be with friends (push yourself if you feel you can’t or don’t want to do this). By doing this, you are helping you immune system recover and be able to better protect you from the aftermath of your loss or trauma.
9. With grief and trauma, often come an outpouring of expressions of care, compassion, kindness, love, and prayers. Allow yourself to be deeply touched by such a showering of love. This can forever transform you so that you become more aware of the choice you can make to be equally caring, loving and kind. You may find that you are becoming aware, also, of the power of your own love, appreciation and gratitude for your blessings. Take time to express your heartfelt thanks. This, too, expedites your healing process.
For example, patients and friends have frequently shared with me how moved they are when they are ill and another close and dear friend who just sustained the loss of a loved one calls to see how they are doing. When you step out of your own pain and are present for another in pain, you heal yourself and contribute to the healing of others.
“We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” Carlos Castaneda
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
See Part 1 of Life Lessons Learned In Healing From Grief And Trauma
Life Lessons Learned In Healing From Grief And Trauma - Part 2
When we come to the last moment of this lifetime and look back, the only thing that’s going to matter is ‘What was the quality of our love?’” Richard Bach
2. Be open to changing your perspective! The experience of grief and trauma can contribute to your changing your thinking about what is truly important in life. For example, following the occurrence of a significant tragedy or loss, you may find yourself amazed at the decreased importance and attention you give to what were formerly valued items, perhaps a fancy car, china or clothing, or to participation in previously favored activities, such as sports, your job, traveling or entertainment.
3. Recognize the importance of Love in your life’s journey. You may even learn from your pain and suffering that the only thing that really matters is the person you love and your loving relationship with this individual. My husband taught me this years before we married (some 44 years ago!). Walking along a boating dock, the little bag I held that contained his rings and watch slipped from my hands, went through the boards and into the water, never to be seen again. I cried profusely, feeling great guilt, and will always remember his words: “Don’t worry, Susan. The only thing that matters is you. I can replace the jewelry; I can’t replace you.” His love touched, healed and soothed my pain of disappointing him!
4. In dealing with the pain of a tragedy, loss or grief, healing occurs as you discover that you are much stronger than you thought you were. Suddenly, being forced into roles that your ill or deceased loved ones once held, be it holding down a full-time job, paying the bills, maintaining your home or car, or creating your social life, you may find that you are now taking responsibility for areas of your life that you previously felt you were unable to handle.
5. With your new- found sense of personal strength, you may learn that you are more powerful than you had thought, more capable and more resilient. This new awareness may enhance your self-esteem, self-confidence and your belief in yourself. All of these are gifts because they come at a time when you are left feeling powerless, frightened and worried about your ability to survive. Tragedy often validates your ability to be a survivor, one who can handle whatever curve ball may come your way. My patients have repeatedly shared their awareness with me of how much braver and more courageous they feel they are, having proved to themselves they can survive without their loved ones
6. You learn that there are questions that better serve you than asking “Why did this happen?”, a normal response to such events. By asking “What is this teaching me?” and “What is the lesson I need to learn here?”, you find that you have an enhanced ability to cope with such stressful experiences. For example, such questions often move us from perceiving ourselves as victims to realizing that we have the resources to deal with such challenges. They also move us along in our having a sense of purpose, despite our angst and pain.
7. View the events as challenges or opportunities to learn valuable life lessons; patience, courage, compassion or forgiveness. Asking the previously mentioned questions helps you become more conscious of which life lessons you are here to learn. This, in turn, again, leads to a stronger sense of connection with your own Higher Power or God, as well as a change in your perspective about the meaning of such losses and traumas. Allow your perspective to become broader, inviting in more wonderful possibilities about life, its purpose and whether life continues in a somewhat different form; allow this change in perspective to soothe and heal the pain of your broken heart. (TO BE CONTINUED)
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
Life Lessons Learned In Healing From Grief And Trauma - Part 1
Recently, our good friends’ son, a young man we watched grow up, died in a freak accident and another dear friend was hospitalized with septicemia and was suddenly fighting for her life. My patients, friends and family can testify to the quirkiness of life – one minute all is well and the next, your life is totally upside down. Each time you experience a loss or trauma, you are reminded that life is a precious gift. This awareness is the first lesson learned in dealing with any type of loss or tragedy.
However, when difficult situations with others arise, you often fail to remember that you have a choice as to how to view the meaning of the loss or trauma. Frequently, tragedies, losses (of any kind, including loved ones, home, health, job or dreams) and life-threatening events are viewed from the negative perspective. While this is understandably part of the initial grieving process, you slow down your healing by spending needed energy viewing the situation as negative rather than positive in the months and years that follow the crisis.
Why is this? Perhaps, it is the fear that what has happened to another can happen again, and, perhaps, it is because you focus on the experience as a loss and, therefore, you spend more energy dwelling on the pain of separation from your loved one or anything you particularly value. The nature of human beings is that we tend to obsess more about our worries, anxieties, losses and negative life events than we do about those that are positive, joyful and which we may consider to be our blessings.
The truth is that the way you perceive a situation powerfully influences the healing of your body, mind and spirit. Remember that how you perceive a situation is a choice. How you choose to view or think about your situation dete rmines the path your healing will take.
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”…Albert Einstein
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM GRIEF AND TRAUMA
I offer you the following suggestions to assist you in healing from grief and trauma. They are based on the lessons learned by my own patients.
1. Give yourself permission to truly feel your pain. Healing from trauma and grief does take time. It is an experience that affects every aspect of you, including your identity, thoughts, feelings, body and spirit. No matter how you try, your Higher Self will demand that you do the work of grief. Trying to escape the pain does not serve you. Healing is expedited when you do the best you can to express it, feel it and let it go. (CONTINUED)
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
Tips For Helping The Grieving, The Ill And Ourselves! -Part 2
“When it comes to the last moment of this lifetime, and we look back across it, the only thing that’s going to matter is, ‘What was the quality of our love?’” Richard Bach
If, at all possible, take a meal to your friend or loved one or go out for a meal. Changing scenery is especially helpful for those who are grieving or who have not been well. Set aside a time for the two of you to get together, enabling him or her to have something special to which you both can look forward. Again, be sure to attend their feelings but balance the content with that which can shift the focus onto something other than their pain or illness..
Also, if your friend or loved one needs to be resting or lying quietly, you can be of assistance and help him or her by learning to use your breath. By consciously breathing slowly and deeply, without words, and just by sitting near the individual, you can help him or her align with your intentional relaxed breathing, causing him or her to be more at peace. Words are not always necessary. This is something that is especially nice for those who are very ill either at home or in the hospital or a hospice situation.
Keep in mind that being truly present is more about your being with someone as though this person is an extension of you and you are extending pure loving energy to this part of you. Presence is about love. Visualize your heart filling with loving energy and then visualize the energy going from your heart to the heart of your friend or loved one. This can be a powerful healing gift.
Whether you are near of far from your loved one or family member, always hold them in your heart with loving intentions. This serves their energy and yours.
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”
©Copyright 2008 Susan Barbara Apollon
Tips For Helping The Grieving, The Ill And Ourselves! -Part 1
“It does not matter what you do in life; the only thing that matters is that you do what you do with love.” Elisabeth Kubler Ross
Life is deliciously filled with a mixture of joy and sorrow. At times, it feels uncomfortably weighted with more pain as a result of learning that others, including friends and family, are dealing with illness, as well as issues involving death, dying trauma and grief. At such times, we are left feeling sad, energetically very low and wondering how we are going to handle being available for everyone who needs us.
Whether you are a young mom or dad with several children or a busy working man or woman with a full time job, when you learn of a friend or loved one who has died or who is very ill, you want to learn how to be present and available, stay uplifted, and yet protect and keep your own energy from falling to dangerous levels.
Remember that what you focus on determines how you feel and how you feel determines your level of energy. So be clear about your intention regarding assisting others in need of your help. Be fully present in your attention when you call to see how they are doing and to offer your services. In other words, while speaking with them, be there with everything you have got. When not with them, place your focus on what feels better.
One suggestion: Take a few moments to sit and breathe deeply, enabling you to be at peace and feel truly relaxed before you pick up the phone to call your friend or loved one, or to actually go and be with him or her either at home or in the hospital. While visiting, be sure to be completely present. Listen attentively to their concerns and their feelings, without trying to deny them or make light of them.
However, you can help by then asking your friend or loved one about other family members, their activities and various other subjects such as vacation plans, how their children are doing in both school and in their sports activities, as well as their holiday plans – all of which are lighter and can help shift the focus to something that feels genuinely better and more uplifting.
Take time to balance the heavy feelings dealing with sadness, pain and/or loss with humor, a necessary antidote. The immune system needs the energetic vibration of humor to produce needed chemicals to help it work effectively. Be sure to bring a joke or humorous story, being sure it is appropriate, because humor expedites healing within the cells of the body. How about a video, DVD or audio to life their spirits and bring a smile or laugh or two to them? (It is good for you, as well!) CONTINUED…
Susan Barbara Apollon
Author of “Touched By The Extraordinary”